I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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