You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
