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Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
