you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
