My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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