ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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