I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
