i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
