Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
