I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
