My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
