Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need to calm my uterus...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
