She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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