Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
