my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
