I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
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