Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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