I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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