i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
