It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
