he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
