I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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