the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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