Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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