he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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