So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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