I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i love accidental penises.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
