Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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