I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
