I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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