Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
