trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize