distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I use my feet as sexual weapons
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
