i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize