I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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