and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
