i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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