So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
