I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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