You really coming over, don't trick.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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