This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
