I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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