I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
