I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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