all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
