i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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