He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
