Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
