come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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