dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
