Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
