last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
