I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
