So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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