Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
