just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
