highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
