I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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