so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
