go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
