So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
