You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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