If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize