that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
