I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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