so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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